Crazy or Wasting Time

Been there before
Questioning sanity

Trust yourself or another

Who to care for more

Myself or the other

Thank you for making it clear

EpicOnTheVergeOfSellingOut

I'm still hungry. Is it my fault for relying on new video from EpicMealTime every Tuesday to satisfy my appetite for new and creative ways to clog my major arteries?

No Problems Only Soultions

An artistic description as to why the years of accumulated acrylic paint stains and scratches atop my coffee table should be considered nothing but a work of art, continually failed in lessening the critique of concern and confusion from those who've had the privilege to rest their feet and drinks upon my couches one of a kind companion. As a result, a restoration was in need to finally put an end to the constant criticism, while renewing my credibility as meticulously anal retentive.

Unfortunately it wasn't until shortly after phase one of rehabilitation, when the thick cloud of dust and my runny nose subsided, I began to recognise that my eagerness to operate an electric sander heavily out weighed the repercussions involved in defacing a masterpiece.

Although it was to late to go back, the precautions unnoticed beforehand were there on the back of the sand paper all along. Which easily explains why the lack of a welders helmet, extra eye protection, surgical mask, pocketed apron, and rubber gloves resulted in the numerous doses of Visine and hocking the loogie of a lifetime.

Once the unintended wood particle high eventually vanished, I regained full use of my respiratory system and fall asleep. After a good nights sleep, and several dreams of being lost in a never ending forest, I gratefully awoke still slightly sniffily and squinty eyed, but ready to continue. With my brain cells greatly diminished, I was able to read the warnings before attempting the second phase, and resist my urge to swallow the stain while setting off explosions. Which would've been detrimental in the completion of the turned out tedious task and my existence. As for inhaling the vapors, I consider that necessary. Like a methadone to ween me off of the intoxication from phase one.

Knowing that I could sniff, sip, and set off fireworks while varnishing the water based final stage made it excitedly uneventful. At that point I just wanted to brush the shinny coat on and leave a blank canvas for future expressionism.

Kwik tripping

Kwik. Somebody tell me I'm tripping.

Proverbal Abuse

If a little learning is a dangerous thing then why is it that ignorance is bliss. Live and let live yet live and learn, and if at first you don't succeed try, try again. Life is short; art is long and if you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen. While there's life, there's hope, so don't hide your light under a bushel. The leopard cannot change its spots, so it's best to leave well enough alone and make hay while the sun shines. Look before you leap but don't lock the stable door after the horse has been stolen because an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. That's why procrastination is the thief of time yet it's never too late to mend. One good turn deserves another and time and tide wait for no man. That's why time is money and two heads are better than one but no man can serve two masters. Then again, time and tide wait for no man therefore those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it. A stitch in time saves nine so strike while the iron is hot and always take the bitter with the sweet. From the sublime to the ridiculous is but a step.

Who Am I to Judge

Now that the first phase of the new season of Dancing With the Stars is complete it's time for me to critique.

Audrina - Ah yes, this seasons upgraded Erin Andrews.

Kurt - Eh.

Kyle - A kid from the Disney Channel can dance. Who knew.

Fox - Pretty smooth, but you're no Ocho Cinco. You could use some work on your desperation for attention.

Cho - So pretty much expect disappointment anytime you stand up.

Brandy - If only the show was called I take myself too seriously.

Bristol - Good try. You're really giving Kate a run for the money in the awkwardness department.

Carol - Geriatrics and dancing are the ingredients for disaster. Try a little Wesson.

Michael Bolton - I didn't know you had a sense of humor. Why wouldn't anybody want to share your name? Oh yeah, because you suck.

Situation - GTL. Guido To Laughingstock.

Jennifer - Your performance compelled me to pull my Dirty Dancing cassette out of the corner.

Hoff - Too bad that votes from Germany don't count.

Are You a Medium or a Large

I was thinking about placing an ad in the personals.

Single female senior whose interests include knitting, shuffleboard, and bingo night at the nursing home. Seeking a younger, intelligent, handsome male to enjoy long walks on the beach while pushing my wheelchair, Matlock reruns, and the smell of fresh Depends and Poligrip in the morning.